You know why we’re not finishing up 500 Words Before Bedtime tomorrow? Because Sarah took three (count ‘em THREE) days off. This is both unheard of and indicative of the kind of January it’s been.
First there was the week-long sojourn to the old folks’ home. Then there was the cold I brought home from the old folks’ home, then the…cold that I brought home, and then, oh yeah, that same cold. Basically, the cold caused all our problems. On the days when I left the house I returned too worn out to say anything. On days when I didn’t (most of them), what in the world did I have to talk about?
But today, folks, today Sarah came back to *life*. I woke up with no cough, sore throat, or post-nasal drip. I almost literally bounded out of bed. We’ve been preparing for a big audit at work, and I found myself buzzing happily about the house, envisioning being called to multiple, stressful auditor interviews. I’d ace ‘em all! I’d knock it out of the park! Probably the business and registrar’s offices would line up and cheer for me!
I needed another cup of coffee!
I needed to get a grip.
OK. So. OK. There was a world out there. I had a body fit to inhabit it. What to do? Since at that point, it was 5:30 am, I commenced deep cleaning the house. Laundry? I laugh at laundry! Where’s the Pine-Sol?!
By 10, when I’d had a breakfast I probably could’ve eaten off the spotless bathroom floor, I headed OUT. You know what I needed? A library card. How was it I’d lived in this town for two years and not even gotten a library card? You know what that is? Shameful. That’s what!
The lone librarian was very nice. We chatted. Like two normal human beings. Or possibly like one normal human being and like one human being recently released from a cult. I’m not sure. But somewhere along the way, I asked if they had a book club. And now I’m *in* the book club. I also have a very special copy of the book club book that must be returned *on or before* (!) February 13th. Apparently the whole county is on some kind of relay system, and if I lose my book, the entire book-club apparatus will come to a screeching and catastrophic halt. I nodded solemnly. It was my mission. I chose to accept it.
Off to — where? Ollie’s! Why Ollie’s? Why, to buy bowls, of course. Our bowls are intolerable. They are (ridiculously) not round but dodecahedral. Thus, they don’t nest inside each other, but rather create leaning towers of bowl peril inside my cupboards. Yes. Ollie’s would have bowls! Ollie’s always has bowls!
Ollie’s did not have bowls.
Fine. Home! I’m going to cook! How about a pork chop for lunch? Don thinks he’s the only one who can make pork chops? HA!
Did I forget to exercise? Sure did. You know what would be good? An hour and a half of extremely vigorous exercise! Where are those dumbbells?
Eventually and at last, my mother-in-law came to take me to dinner. We had a lovely dinner. I enjoyed it immensely, not only for the company but also for the feeling, about halfway through, that I was at last beginning to *wind down*.
I’m hoping it lasts. We’ll see. Tomorrow, either I’ll sleep all day or start applying for multiple Ph.D programs and the Wildland Fire Service. Either way, now I should think about bed. I hope you enjoyed this frenetic edition of 608 Words Before Bedtime.
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